Frequently Asked Questions

Are you for real?

Yes.

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Why did you start this site?

Not too long ago, I turned 45. According to the Oxford Dictionary, that is middle age. I’m now middle-aged. This is my midlife crisis, I think, and where other, better people tend to more admirably define themselves by what they create or leave behind, I apparently do so by what I've seen, heard and tasted. / Alternatively, perhaps I felt that after taking so much for four and a half decades, it was time for me to give something back. I may have felt that the best way to go about this, is to educate the world about me, and I may have felt that the world at large has been desperately craving a resource about all things Paul, even if it was not yet aware of this. It is perhaps for that reason that I have benevolently bestowed this lavish gift upon an undoubtedly grateful mankind. 

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Have you always been a high school teacher or can you also do something useful?

I’ve also worked as a bartender, a translator, a CNC operator, a paper boy, a forklift driver, a beansprout shoveler, a dish washer and a chemical waste sorter. 

 

Do you know how much damage a cruise ship to Antarctica does to the planet??

I went on a sailboat. It was really nice. 

 

You are a poser entitled fuck twat.

Fair enough, but not a question.

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Any other hobbies?

I also enjoy riding my motorbike, our cargo bike, reading, watching films, scuba diving, hiking and visiting some museums. 

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Any other lists, not listed on this site?

Sure, plenty. I do like lists. I once bought a book entitled 101 Whiskies to Try Before You Die, and I drank my way through that. Also, I have this bookmark featuring 50 Books to Read Before You Die, and I'm currently still reading through that. Furthermore, I'm aiming to complete the IMDB Top 250. In addition, I am still compiling my list of enemies. I am now too busy to do a lot about them, but once I retire, I plan to battle and utterly vanquish my enemies, so I'm already compiling the list. It's always a good idea to keep a complete and updated list of your enemies. Lists are fun!

   

Is it true that you’ve claimed to have invented the octopus? That’s stupid, how can you invent an animal?? 

I would prefer not to talk about that, if that is okay.​

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You are a fairly weird and horribly self-involved person. You really got a girl to have kids with you?
Yes.

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Why PCVH.org?

PCVH.com was taken.

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Long-haul flights, eating all them animals - you must really disagree with people like Greta Thunberg?

Quite the contrary! Love her! She's doing a great thing! The fact that I cannot or will not emulate her lifestyle, does not mean I don't recognise its obvious moral superiority and the wonderful thing she's doing, swaying hearts and minds! On behalf of my kids, thanks, Greta!

 

Do you have a favourite sports team?

I am partial to the Hiroshima Carp. 

 

What’s your favourite colour?

I’d rather not get into it, sorry.

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I read online you were involved with the Dutch East India Company, or Vereenigde Oostindische Compagnie. You're even supposed to have helped start the company. Pretty shitty company. Why would you work for or with them?

I'd like to address this nasty rumour. This is silly. It does not make a lot of sense. This happened a long time ago. I was not around. I don’t know why people keep suggesting I was involved. I wasn’t.

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What is your greatest fear?

The Balrog of Morgoth.​

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Do you have a spirit animal?

If I'd have to choose a spirit animal, I'd go with BoJack Horseman, I think. Does that count?

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Paul, have you spent any time in prison or at Disney World?

I have not. 

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Seriously dude? So you’ve watched 100 films directed by 50 or so guys called David. So, you just watch any random film directed by someone called David and chalk it up?

No, not at all. These are just the films directed by someone called David that I think are nice. There’s loads of films out there made by a David that I did not or would not like at all. Also, there are truly great films that I could not in good conscience describe as ‘nice’, like, for instance, David Midell’s The Killing of Kenneth Chamberlain.

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What do you most wish for?

Hmm tricky... I think it would be a tie between, on the one hand, peace on Earth and contentment in the hearts of men, women and children, and on the other hand, having paul.com as a domain.

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You seem to spend much of your income on frivolous, hedonistic pursuits. Would it not be better spent on charity or helping your fellow man or some shit?

Whilst I do systematically support a variety of charities (Greenpeace, IFAW, KWF Dutch Cancer Society, The Vegan Society, Wikipedia, Follow This, Justdiggit, et al.) and I've extended quite a few microloans through Kiva, I apparently indeed feel the need to spend most of my income on my own frivolous endeavours. Sue me. (Just kidding, please don't sue me!)

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Do you accept donations to further your website?

Sure. Being a humble school teacher, I cannot be expected to be solely responsible for the costs of my own hedonism, can I now? So, if you're a tech mogul or oil tycoon or some such, go for it, right here.   

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Paul, you're worse off than I thought. Apparently, with smart adaptive coping strategies you have been able to disguise your severe autism from the outside world as quirky eccentricity.

(Feedback on this site from Wim, a friend from work)

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Hello Paul, I am from the UK and discovered your fabulous website via a QR code sticker on a set of aeroplane stairs. I wish I had eaten as many animals as you. Your website has brought great joy to me, my partner and my family. 
(Emily from the UK)

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​Dude! This is laugh-out-loud funny and awesome all at the same time. Love it!

(Emma from the UK)

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Your guitar pick collection is INCREDIBLE!!! Holy shit dude. And your photography is incredible. I'm fascinated.

(Kayla from the USA)

 

Do you have a nice recipe for jambalaya? 

I do, actually. It contains three different animals. You’ll need the following ingredients:

 

400 g of rice

2 400 g cans of diced tomatoes

3 onions

5 red peppers
8 cloves of garlic

2 celeries with ample stalks

200 g of spicy chorizo

250 g of diced ham

450 g of large shrimp, cleaned

A nice bunch of parsley

3 chili peppers

2 tablespoons of powdered cayenne pepper

10 bay leaves

2 liters of chicken broth

2 teaspoons of tabasco

Some olive oil

1/4 teaspoon of salt, if needed at all

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These should look something like this:​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​